I’m excited to share the series finale for DOGE- Supernatural Division. Of course, it has to be dragons as the center of attention for this round. This installment is especially fun because it plays on a certain social media app that had a very notable incident recently. It will also tie up the series so you get a bit of closure. Hope you enjoy!
DOGE Supernatural Division (episode 8)
High Wizard Elron tapped his phone app, checking for messages in the DOGE Supernatural Division chat group. It was an excellent way to quickly disseminate information to all his people, and it was encrypted, so only China and Russia might be able to hack it. But surely they had better things to do with their time.
Nothing new was on there despite the fact his team should have checked in by now. They’d had a week to accomplish the task he’d given them while he’d been away on other matters, and yet, they had been silent.
HW Elron
I need a status update on Ft. Knox.
Ruby
They’re having difficulties getting inside.
HW Elron
Elaborate.
Ruby
The dragons refuse to let them anywhere near the building.
Axe
They won’t negotiate with us, sir. Max was trying to work with them, but his persistence may have been too much. They burned himto a crispafter he attempted to put a sleep spell on them.
One of his people had died, and they failed to mention it in the app? He would have noticed and responded accordingly regardless of which country he’d been located.
HW Elron
Why wasn’t I informed of his death?
Axe
We tried and couldn’t reach you.
Oh, right. He’d been quite busy, but he remembered seeing some missed calls and forgot to return them. Still, messaging him on the app would have been more expedient.
HW Elron
What else have you tried?
Axe
Many things, which resulted in us losing 2 ½ more team members.
HW Elron
What do you mean by 2 ½?
Ruby
A dragon ate one of our team member’s legs, but we were able to retrieve the victim quickly and get him to the hospital. He’s still there.
HW Elron
If they’re alive, then there is no half. And why does it sound like you were on site when this happened, Ruby?
Axe
The legs are dead and gone, sir. Pretty sure the dragon digested them, so we figured that counted as a half. There was a group vote about it.
Ruby
I needed to get out of the office for a while to avoid the protestors, and it sounded like the group needed help. Also, I’ve never seen a dragon up close. They’re impressive, though quite ferocious. The way the biggest one ate that man’s legs was most vulgar. Like they were potato chips. It was so busy chewing that we were able to run in there and grab the victim, so I suppose that worked out.
The High Wizard pinched the bridge of his nose. This was what happened when he left the country and didn’t keep close track of his people while gone. Everything went sideways.
I’ve got a new DOGE story for you all today. This is a standalone and can be read even if you haven’t checked out the others. The supernatural of the week is gargoyles, and I have to admit that after writing this, I gained a soft spot for them. I might even write a novel featuring one of them someday, but for now, I enjoyed this fun adventure with them facing off against High Wizard Elron about how his budget cuts affected them.
DOGE Supernatural Division (episode 7)
Bang, bang.
Thunk, thunk, thunk.
The noises outside stirred High Wizard Elron from sleep. He climbed out of bed and crept to the window, taking a peek. In his yard, he saw a dozen large, hulking figures. The moonlight glinted off their hard, stone-gray bodies. They had large wings, high pointed ears, horns on their head, and sharp claws protruding from their fingers. Every one of them stared at his house with bright red, glowing eyes that would frighten the most hardened soul. Lying on the ground were his security personnel.
His home was being invaded by gargoyles, of all things.
High wizard Elron quickly pulled on a dark robe and cast a protection spell around himself before making his way to the front door. His intruders were immune to most offensive magic, but they wouldn’t be able to penetrate his personal barrier.
He stepped outside and put his hands on his hips. “Why are you trespassing on my property, and what did you do to my guards?”
“We only knocked them out because they shot their puny firearms at us. It was uncomfortable, like being stung by a bee would be for you.” The largest of the gargoyles strode forward and extended his hand. “I’m Leo, and I’m here to speak with you about your budget cuts.”
Elron wasn’t about to shake hands with a rock monster, especially one that appeared to be stained with nasty excrement of some sort. “What are those white splotches on you?”
Leo grimaced and his muzzle scrunched. “Pigeon poop. It is one of the reasons we came to speak with you.”
He ran his gaze over the others, noting most of them had the same affliction.
“What do I have to do with that?” the High Wizard asked, tired and annoyed that they’d woken him at almost two in the morning for this nonsense.
“You fired the groundskeepers who washed us and kept us clean.”
Ah, yes. He remembered trimming the budget for those services because it was clearly excessive and unnecessary. “The U.S. taxpayers should not be funding showers for supernatural creatures, especially ones who aren’t even alive most of the time.”
Insulted murmurs spread through the crowd. They could be offended all they wanted, but it was true. Gargoyles mostly sat there doing nothing—not even breathing. Why should they get special treatment while being lazy?
“It’s disgusting, unsanitary, and diminishes our dignity, forcing us to sit in the hot sun all day as birds poop on us,” he said, taking a step closer so Elron could properly see the awful level of excrement on him. “People sneer and laugh when they pass us, and we can do nothing except bear the injustice. Never mind the drunken fools who pee on any of us who have the misfortune to be posted near the ground.”
They woke him to complain about this? “Clearly, you can wash yourselves, or you wouldn’t have been able to come all the way to my home.”
Some of these gargoyles looked like ones he’d seen from various cities across the country. How did they all get here? He better not find out they used government funds for their travel.
Leo lifted his arm until it almost touched his chin. “We’re not very flexible. This is as far as my arm can go in my animated form. We cannot reach our heads, backs or wings where the worst of it lands. I can’t even scratch my nose.”
Did statues even itch?
“Then wait for the next rain and that should do the job for free.”
The gargoyle growled. “In the meantime, which could be days or weeks, we must sit in filth like this. How would you feel if it was you?”
“I’m human, so it’s not relevant. You can wash each other then,” Elron said with a shrug.
Leo’s large nostrils flared. “We can only take on our animated forms on the nights of full moons. What are we supposed to do for the rest of the month?”
Oh, right. They only had from midnight to sunrise once every four weeks that they could leave their stations and move freely. The only exception being if the structure they guarded came under attack, and then they could move to defend it. Too bad they had any time off or else he wouldn’t have been disturbed at such a late hour.
“It was costing thousands of dollars a year to wash you. For centuries, gargoyles lived just fine without being regularly cleaned, so you can certainly do it now,” Elron argued, tired of the many complaints he heard about petty issues like this.
A gargoyle in the back stepped forward. He was missing his left ear, part of a wing, and a few fingers on his right hand. “Your cuts to Medicare took away the coverage for our repairs.”
“You can’t just grow those parts back?” the High Wizard asked, though he hardly saw how it mattered anyway since he couldn’t imagine stone felt pain or needed to be intact to survive.
“No, we can’t regrow it,” Leo answered for him, shaking his head. “It requires specialized care through a witch doctor who does not come cheap. In the meantime, those missing pieces cause great discomfort.”
Elron lifted a brow. “Even when you’re an unmoving statue?”
“Less then, but it still hurts. We may not appear alive to you in that form, but we are cognizant and aware so that we may do our jobs,” he said, then gestured at several more of his people to come forward. “These are others who discovered they can no longer obtain the care they need.”
Each of them was missing parts of themselves, including one who moved on half of a left foot. He wracked his brain to figure out how in the world they were covered by Medicare. Then he remembered a special fund set aside for supernatural creatures. He hadn’t seen why the government should cover them when they should just take care of each other. If the witch doctor wanted to be stingy, that was not the High Wizard’s fault. By cutting their expensive care, and that of other creatures, he’d saved the government at least five million dollars.
“Pay for your own medical expenses,” Elron said, crossing his arms.
Leo’s eyes turned an even brighter red. “As the guardians of important structures, it is required you care for us properly, or else we are no longer obligated to do our jobs and will go on strike.”
The High Wizard laughed. “Go ahead, strike away. I’m going back to bed.”
He spun around and stepped back into his home, shutting the door behind him. His wards would keep the filthy statues out. He had a long day tomorrow with more budgets to cut and needed his sleep.
***
One week later…
Elron sighed when he came home after a long trip to find all dozen statues still littered his lawn. They’d returned to their solid states that dawn after they first arrived in the most ridiculous positions. Some even had their male organs showing protruding in obscene ways. It was highly embarrassing, so he’d called about having them removed while he was out of town. The two services he’d hired, one by one, called to inform him that it couldn’t be done.
Gargoyles who did not wish to be moved were impossible to lift, even with heavy machinery. A few had fresh damage to their bodies from the attempts, but that was all.
“Go home,” he shouted at their still forms. Of course, none of them responded.
High Wizard Elron stared incredulously at his electric car manufacturing plant in California—or rather, what was left of it. Nearly all the buildings had been leveled the day before, and what little remained would have to be torn down. It was incomprehensible.
“Tell me again what happened,” he said to one of the managers who’d been on-site during the incident.
Jack, a middle-aged man with thinning brown hair, shook his head. “They’re saying it was likely an EF-4 tornado based on the damage, but we won’t know for sure until the experts finish their investigation.”
“Right.” Elron clenched his fists. “Since when has California ever had an EF-4?”
The manager cleared his throat. “Never, as far as I know.”
“Perhaps you should start from the beginning,” the wizard said, thinking something wasn’t right about this.
“It was the oddest thing. The weather forecast called for sunny skies, but storm clouds started rolling toward us in the late afternoon. Thunder and lightning got loud. Then, some guys ran inside, saying a tornado was heading straight for us. It moved really slowly, like it was crawling, so we were able to evacuate in time. As soon as everyone was out and far enough away, it got bigger and stronger just as it reached the plant. Then it stayed there for a few minutes, grinding down everything like a giant drill.”
Elron had spent enough time in tornado alley states to know that this was not traditional tornado behavior. They never “waited” for people to evacuate, and many people would have had to clear the numerous buildings for there to be no injuries or casualties.
He took a deep breath. “What happened next?”
“The tornado lifted back into the clouds, and about five minutes later, the storm was gone.”
The High Wizard noted most of the employee cars in the parking lot had no damage and those that did only had broken windows. “You said it took its time coming here. What other places in the area were damaged?
“None.” Jack shrugged. “Heard that it didn’t fully touch the ground until right before it struck this place.”
Now, that was too peculiar.
“But it managed to destroy the whole plant after avoiding everything else?” he asked, incredulously.
“Well…” the manager hedged. “There was one other odd thing.”
“Show me.”
Jack guided him around the piles of debris to another side of the ravaged facilities, and High Wizard Elron nearly stumbled as the “odd thing” came into view. Half a dozen nearly finished electric cars were stacked vertically on their backends like dominoes. They showed no signs of damage, and even their windows were intact. Considering all the debris scattered around them, that didn’t seem possible.
This was no natural disaster, and his insurance company would not cover the damage should it prove magic-related. This was going to cost him a fortune. Only one race of people he knew was powerful enough to pull this off and had the motive to do it. There happened to be a community of them living not far away in Santa Cruz. He needed to get his team together and formulate a plan before he visited them.
Hope everyone’s week has gone well. Sorry this is getting posted a little later in the day than usual, but it’s been a little hectic around here! Just a reminder that while these stories are fantasy in nature, they will allude to current U.S. politics. If you’re not up to date on the latest big news, a few things might go over your head a bit, but you should still enjoy it. This latest episode also has some minor references to past stories, which you can find here.
DOGE Supernatural Division (episode 5)
High Wizard Elron sat at his desk, plotting his next move. So many possibilities for where the Department of Government Efficiency- Supernatural Division could cut waste and spending. This was especially true of those regulatory agencies who abused their power by putting too many restrictions on the banking industry. Ha! He’d get the last laugh with them very soon.
“Excuse me, High Wizard,” Ruby said, appearing in his office doorway.
The raven-haired secretary was a good-looking woman for being in her thirties and nearly past her prime. For the life of him, he couldn’t understand why she hadn’t settled down and made a few babies. Instead, the woman had cats—three of them! She even had framed pictures of them on her desk like they were her pride and joy children. He’d surreptitiously removed them two different times, but new ones appeared the next morning. Each replacement was worse than the last, with the latest photos having her felines wearing Halloween costumes. What kind of madness was that?
He’d fire the woman, but she was loyal and ruthless when it came to running his agency behind the scenes the way he preferred. No one could do it better, but he wished she had better taste in pets.
He rested his elbows on his desk and leaned forward. “Yes, Ruby?”
“The D.C. Ghost team has failed to email their five accomplishments for the week,” she said, pursing her lips. “It’s not all that surprising, considering they haven’t done their jobs very well recently.”
He nodded. “Hmm, yes. They’re supposed to be annoying that insufferable Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez woman whenever she’s in town, but the congresswoman just gets more obnoxious every time she speaks on the House Floor. I’m tired of hearing her complaints about the brilliant budget cuts that will save this country money. She’d be falling asleep on her feet if the ghosts had done their jobs right, certainly not giving misguided speeches.”
“Should I send one of your minions…I mean, assistants, to speak with the ghosts?” Ruby asked, tilting her head.
His lips twitched at her “stumble” of words since she accidentally used the term quite often, but it didn’t bother him. In his mind, his people were more like minions, but some would frown at him using such a term publicly. Trying to be politically correct was so annoying. Certainly not one of his better abilities.
Elron sighed. “Sadly, only one of them has developed a sufficient talent for seeing ghosts, and I’ve already got him manipulating a few to spy on the NOAA water elementals in Florida. I’m certain they’re up to no good after I fired some of them, and they might be planning revenge.”
“Oh.” She frowned. “I’d thought someone else would have built an aptitude for ghosts by now.”
“Axe is beginning to see and hear them a little, but he can’t communicate well yet. Perhaps with a little more practice.” The High Wizard rose to his feet, mind buzzing with a plan. “I’ll bring him along to work on it more.”
She nodded. “Good idea. I’ll let him know to get ready.”
Jumping straight into the story today. Hope you enjoy!
DOGE Supernatural Division (episode 4)
High Wizard Elron and his four assistants entered the witch coven’s command post in Laredo, Texas. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected, but it hadn’t been this. Over a dozen women and men of varying ethnic backgrounds bustled around the open, cavernous room. They wore plain clothes that ranged from jeans and T-shirts to skirts and blouses.
In the center was a round space about twenty feet in diameter with black tile and a perfectly drawn white chalk circle. The ceiling above it had a frosted glass dome that allowed soft sunlight to filter down and brighten the room. At the area’s perimeter were desks with laptops and a few random doors leading to other rooms. Only one was open, leading to a small break area.
Magic tinged the air, crawling across his skin like ants on the march. It was different than his wizard powers and highly uncomfortable. Some would say his energies were darker and witches purer, but Elron didn’t subscribe to those beliefs.
“Attention, everyone,” he bellowed. Only a few people glanced up before returning to their work. “I’m here from the Department of Government Efficiency- Supernatural Division.”
A middle-aged man with short, dark hair lifted a leg from his chair and let out a long and loud fart that sounded absolutely disgusting. How rude! Everyone else studiously ignored him as if he ranked even less than a homeless person walking in from the streets. They were not taking him seriously. He’d visited many facilities that didn’t exactly welcome him with open arms, but none had pretended he and his team didn’t exist.
“Cover your ears and close your eyes,” he murmured to his assistants. As they obeyed his command, he erected a protection spell around himself.
Still, none of the witches paid any attention to him. Fine, so be it.
Elron lifted his arms and twisted his hands, sending a flash bomb to strike the middle of the chalk circle. It exploded in a bright flash of light, cracking with a boom that rocked the building. He hadn’t pushed too much magic into it, so there was only a small fissure on the tile floor, singed black at the edges. It was more for show than damage.
Hazy smoke filled the air, but through it, Elron could see he finally had everyone’s stunned attention. The door on the opposite end of the room opened. A woman who appeared to be in her mid-to-late twenties, wearing black leather pants and a halter top with silver buckles at the front, strode toward him. She had light blonde hair pulled tightly back in a bun and dark makeup that gave her a fierce appearance. If not for the power pulsing from her as she strode toward him, he wouldn’t have guessed her for a witch. He half expected her to pull a sword from thin air and start slashing at anything that got in her way.
