Hope everyone’s week has gone well. Sorry this is getting posted a little later in the day than usual, but it’s been a little hectic around here! Just a reminder that while these stories are fantasy in nature, they will allude to current U.S. politics. If you’re not up to date on the latest big news, a few things might go over your head a bit, but you should still enjoy it. This latest episode also has some minor references to past stories, which you can find here.
DOGE Supernatural Division (episode 5)
High Wizard Elron sat at his desk, plotting his next move. So many possibilities for where the Department of Government Efficiency- Supernatural Division could cut waste and spending. This was especially true of those regulatory agencies who abused their power by putting too many restrictions on the banking industry. Ha! He’d get the last laugh with them very soon.
“Excuse me, High Wizard,” Ruby said, appearing in his office doorway.
The raven-haired secretary was a good-looking woman for being in her thirties and nearly past her prime. For the life of him, he couldn’t understand why she hadn’t settled down and made a few babies. Instead, the woman had cats—three of them! She even had framed pictures of them on her desk like they were her pride and joy children. He’d surreptitiously removed them two different times, but new ones appeared the next morning. Each replacement was worse than the last, with the latest photos having her felines wearing Halloween costumes. What kind of madness was that?
He’d fire the woman, but she was loyal and ruthless when it came to running his agency behind the scenes the way he preferred. No one could do it better, but he wished she had better taste in pets.
He rested his elbows on his desk and leaned forward. “Yes, Ruby?”
“The D.C. Ghost team has failed to email their five accomplishments for the week,” she said, pursing her lips. “It’s not all that surprising, considering they haven’t done their jobs very well recently.”
He nodded. “Hmm, yes. They’re supposed to be annoying that insufferable Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez woman whenever she’s in town, but the congresswoman just gets more obnoxious every time she speaks on the House Floor. I’m tired of hearing her complaints about the brilliant budget cuts that will save this country money. She’d be falling asleep on her feet if the ghosts had done their jobs right, certainly not giving misguided speeches.”
“Should I send one of your minions…I mean, assistants, to speak with the ghosts?” Ruby asked, tilting her head.
His lips twitched at her “stumble” of words since she accidentally used the term quite often, but it didn’t bother him. In his mind, his people were more like minions, but some would frown at him using such a term publicly. Trying to be politically correct was so annoying. Certainly not one of his better abilities.
Elron sighed. “Sadly, only one of them has developed a sufficient talent for seeing ghosts, and I’ve already got him manipulating a few to spy on the NOAA water elementals in Florida. I’m certain they’re up to no good after I fired some of them, and they might be planning revenge.”
“Oh.” She frowned. “I’d thought someone else would have built an aptitude for ghosts by now.”
“Axe is beginning to see and hear them a little, but he can’t communicate well yet. Perhaps with a little more practice.” The High Wizard rose to his feet, mind buzzing with a plan. “I’ll bring him along to work on it more.”
She nodded. “Good idea. I’ll let him know to get ready.”
***
High Wizard Elron and Axe found the three ghosts just outside a bookstore north of Dupont Circle. Using a little power, he guided them to a quiet corner inside the building and set up a shield barrier so no one would see or hear them. Partly, for security reasons but also because many people could recognize him and think him crazy for talking to thin air. Very few humans could see ghosts this age. The last thing he needed was for ordinary citizens to think he was behaving a little eccentric.
“I thought I told you all to stop wearing those flapper dresses and suits,” he admonished his ghost team. “You’re not terrifying enough looking like that.”
A young woman with her blonde hair curled close to her head shrugged. “This is what we’re most comfortable wearing when not on the job.”
The other two nodded their agreement.
Axe’s eyes squinted at the ghosts. “Did you guys die in the 1920s?”
“Yes, all of us in our prime,” a tall male with slicked-back hair and a dark suit answered.
“How?” he asked.
The High Wizard allowed the young man to question them since this was the first time he’d managed the feat. Though, honestly, who cared about their pasts? He only wanted to know why they weren’t doing their jobs now.
A brunette with her hair in a fancy bun wrung her hands. “We can’t remember.”
“Really?” Axe continued to squint as if he could barely see them. “Then why do you stay? I thought ghosts only stuck around if they had unresolved issues, and if you can’t remember…”
Elron set a hand on his assistant’s shoulder, deciding this conversation had gone on long enough. Then he stared hard at the trio. “Why haven’t you emailed your five accomplishments for the week? I thought I explained that was mandatory.”
The blonde frowned. “What’s an email?”
Elron ground his teeth. Dealing with such beings was one of his least favorite things to do in the Supernatural Division. Their memories were often spotty, and unfortunately, the older ones were the only ones strong enough to do the work he needed. That meant they were less knowledgeable about technology. He’d nearly pulled his hair out, attempting to show them basic skills.
“Remember the last time we saw the High Wizard?” the male asked, turning to look at her. “He showed us that computer and how to use it.”
She waved a hand. “I don’t like those new-fangled things. They’re too complicated, and it’s so hard to type since I died.” She lifted her thin, ghostly hands for emphasis. “You know how long it takes to input the simplest message.”
He should have known he’d been asking too much about the email, but they were still answerable for their jobs. “Fine. Forget about that. Tell me why Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and her Squad still show up for work without a hint of fatigue and sounding far too articulate. They should be exhausted from late-night hauntings, unable to formulate any arguments people might find worthy.”
The tall male cleared his throat, body fading in and out as he stood there. “With all due respect, High Wizard, we tried. The first night was reasonably successful. We rattled chains, broke a few mirrors and trinkets, made ourselves look bloody…all the things you asked. They were suitably terrified and screaming.”
Elron crossed his arms, cape fluttering behind him. “And then what happened?”
“The second night, we tried everything to get inside and couldn’t. There were rings of salt around their homes, and we couldn’t get past them,” he said with a helpless gesture. “Still, we have tried for ten nights in a row to no avail.”
Salt alone wouldn’t have done the trick for this long and would have needed magical fortification. None of the witch covens in D.C. would dare interfere. He turned to Axe. “You’ve been tracking the Laredo coven since last week, have any of them left?”
“No.” The assistant shook his head. “But the coven leader returned the day after we visited, and she came from here.”
Elron cursed. Considering the timeline matched up, she’d been one step ahead of him, which explained why she wasn’t there when they visited the coven’s home base. All it would have taken is one member of that squad to call for help, and the witch would have done it for free just to thwart him. He’d have to find a way to pay her back that wouldn’t result in hordes of refugees appearing on his properties like that bullying minion woman had threatened last week. Of course, they were one of the few covens capable of opening portals across the world, or else he’d be able to curtail them easier.
“Get a sensor to null the wards,” he ordered Axe, referring to a race of mortals with the ability to nullify all magic. He didn’t like using them since they were completely immune to him as well, but sometimes he had no choice. “Once it’s done, get those ghosts back onto the Squad’s property.”
Thank goodness his minion was finally able to communicate with them and could take over this horrible job. The High Wizard had far more important matters to attend.
The blonde woman raised her hand. “Um, wait. You’re going to make us go back and haunt them again?”
“Yes,” Elron said, giving her a disdainful look.
She shook a little. “But what if we agree with some of their positions and don’t want to…”
“Stop!” He pointed a finger at her. “You’re the ones who want to stay here so badly because you’re afraid to move on to the next life. If you don’t want to get banished, you’ll do as you’re told.”
Her blue eyes turned watery. Who knew ghosts could cry? Naturally, they could wail loudly to annoy people, but he hadn’t thought they could have feelings. Not that it mattered in the scheme of things.
“Yes, High Wizard,” she said, dropping her gaze.
“More haunting and less excuses. Got it?” he asked, running his gaze across the three ghosts.
They murmured their agreements. Finally, something going his way after a couple of bad weeks. He couldn’t wait to tune into CSPAN and see if his efforts worked.