I received a lot of positive responses here and on social media to the first DOGE story, so I decided I’d continue as long as interest remains. The plan is to try posting every Friday. At least for the moment, the installments will be stand-alone episodes to allow new readers to jump in at any point, but over time, they will likely begin to connect. Keep in mind these are meant to be fun, satirical stories that attempt to lighten the mood of the current political climate by adding some supernatural twists and exaggerations.

For anyone who missed the first episode, you can find it HERE. The newest one is below. Hope you enjoy and have a great weekend!

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DOGE Supernatural Division (episode 2)

The young apprentice frowned as he scrolled down the screen, checking for suspicious expenditures.  Did werewolves really need fancy grooming brushes?  And why did they spend so much on sweatpants and T-shirts?  The Capital Protection Pack had eighty-five members, so what were they doing with over two thousand sets of them purchased in the last six months?

Axe narrowed his eyes on the tough, blonde woman sitting beside him and pointed at the screen.  “Explain these numbers to me.”

He couldn’t show a scrap of weakness in this place, or he might get eaten.

“Really?”  The alpha’s golden eyes flashed menacingly.  “We aren’t allowed to patrol the D.C. streets in wolf form, so we can’t change until we see trouble.  Then there is no time to remove our clothes before we shift, meaning they get ripped to shreds.”

That point wasn’t going to work on Axe.  “Okay, but I still don’t see the connection to all these clothes you expect the government to fund.  You’re already given an allowance to purchase your own for work.”

He’d never seen them wear sweats.  It was usually black cargo pants or slacks, though t-shirts or Polos were typical.  They wore nothing too formal since they weren’t meant to stand out too much.

“Once the threat has been eliminated, we must change back to communicate with authorities, but we’re naked.”  She pointed at his computer screen.  “All those clothes are cached around the city for easy access and must be replaced as necessary.  We use sweatpants and t-shirts because they can fit a wider variety of body types, depending on who needs them.”

Axe couldn’t argue that point, but there were still holes in her story.  “If there are hundreds of caches, how does your pack know where to find them all?”

“We put pouches with rosemary and lemon balm near the clothes.”

He wrinkled his nose.  “And you just sniff them out?”

“Yes.” She tossed her blonde hair over her shoulder.  “We can smell one of those pouches a half mile away as long as they’re replaced every few weeks.”

Well, that explained why their expenditures included thousands of dollars worth of herb purchases.  He’d thought for sure he’d get them on that oddity.  Axe still had so much to learn, but High Wizard Elron insisted he maintain a supreme air of confidence no matter what the situation.  Since his boss was standing at the back of the room with his arms crossed, watching his team, he couldn’t let him down.  DOGE- Supernatural Division had to do whatever it took to prove their worth and cut wasteful spending.

Sighing, Axe returned to scrolling down the screen.

One issue stood out more than any other.  “Your wolfpack’s food expenses are exorbitant.  I’m surprised no one has called you out for this before because seventy-five thousand dollars a month for meals while on duty is far beyond anything I’ve seen with other supernatural groups your size.”

She didn’t need to know he’d only been on the job for a week, as that would muddle the point, but it was unusual.

“Are you just a complete idiot?” she asked, letting out a low growl.

Axe froze in his chair.  The alpha werewolf looked like she was ready to consume him for dinner.  He’d been bitten by a dog once when he was a kid and never wanted to repeat the experience.  With the Alpha’s teeth bared at him, he could have sworn they were bigger and sharper than a few minutes ago.

“Now, now, now.”  High Wizard Elron headed toward them, wagging a finger.  “We don’t eat DOGE agents.”

She stood and turned toward him.  “Don’t you think you’re a little outnumbered, puny wizard?”

As she said that, a dozen more werewolves moved to surround them.  The other two DOGE agents were being held by large, burly men whose golden gazes had gone feral.  Apparently, any talk of restricting their food was a trigger.  Axe made a mental note of that in case they survived this encounter.

High Wizard Elron didn’t appear the least bit nervous as he stared at her with a gleam in his eyes.  “Scared?”  He let out a chuckle.  “Not even a little.”

“There will be no questions about how much we eat,” she said, moving to stand face-to-face with him.  Only inches separated them.  “Every time we shift, we burn six thousand calories.  The constant threats to the officials in this city require us to take our wolf forms often to protect them, and that means eating a lot afterward.”

Axe shook with fear because his two-hour orientation class did not cover this!

Elron glared at her.  “Do you have any accredited studies to confirm this supposed calorie loss?”

“Ha!” The alpha female squared her shoulders.  “Do you have official approval to run your little department?”

“The president’s authorization is all I need,” he said, lifting his chin.

Claws sprouted from her fingers, and she lifted one to pull at Elron’s black cape strings.  “Why don’t you come back when Congress has consented to this pathetic witch hunt?”

The High Wizard narrowed his eyes.  “No.”

She twitched her finger, claw slicing through the string, and his cape fell away.  “Oops!”

Elron’s face contorted in fury.  He shoved the alpha female back and began casting spells all over the place at the pack.  Axe dove under the desk.  He didn’t get paid enough to fight werewolves, and his degree was in accounting—not combat!  Screams and the sounds of breaking furniture rent the air.  From his hiding place, all he could see were bright flashes of light, flying bodies, and running legs.  It seemed to take forever before it stopped.

When silence reigned for over a minute, he took a chance and poked out his head.  The other two DOGE apprentices were lying still on the floor, along with most of the werewolves.  There was also a lot of blood, which made his stomach queasy.

He turned and found Elron holding the arms of a bound alpha werewolf who shook with pain and outrage.  They looked like they’d just stepped out of a hurricane with torn clothes, busted lips, and wild hair.  How had they managed to remain standing after all of that?

“Call for backup,” his boss ordered.

Axe nodded.  “Yes, High Wizard.”

As he pulled out his phone to call Ruby, Elron pushed the female werewolf into a chair, forcing her to sit.  “Under the authority granted me as the head of the Department of Government Efficiency, Supernatural Division, I hereby place you under arrest.”

“You don’t have the authority to do that,” she said, seething at him.

He shrugged.  “I’ll get it and make sure it’s retroactive.”

As Axe made his call and heard Ruby’s reassuring voice, they continued to argue.  He wondered if his new job was always going to be like this, or if it was an odd day.  Though he only recently started, this was the second time violence had broken out.  He wasn’t sure he wanted to do this anymore.  At least, not unless he could get magic powers of his own.

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Thanks for reading. Expect the DOGE Supernatural crew to be auditing Area 51 next Friday. Be sure to subscribe if you don’t want to miss it!