Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone! As promised, this episode is where High Wizard Elron goes on the road to Area 51 to annoy investigate their expenditures and maybe see something strange while there. As this location was a little more complicated to accomplish everything I wanted, it’s twice as long as the other installments, but it is my favorite so far. Keep in mind the opinions and actions of the characters are their own and do not reflect on me. This is written in good fun.

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DOGE Supernatural Division (episode 3)

High Wizard Elron pulled up to the gate.  Normally, he had one of his assistants drive, but this was his most ambitious task yet.  He wouldn’t be taking any chances.

The guards stood alert, giving him intense looks as he flashed his badge.  Elron had called ahead to let them know he’d be coming, but he only gave them two hours’ notice, so they wouldn’t have much time to hide their indiscretions.  Usually, he didn’t give any warning, but the security at Area 51 required a bit more finesse.  Who knew what kind of weaponry they might have to keep him out without official clearance?  He wouldn’t rule out space lasers.

“I’m High Wizard Elron from the Department of Government Efficiency, Supernatural Division,” he said, handing over his paperwork.  “I have authorization to visit here with my team for an inspection.”

The two guards didn’t appear impressed, but that was to be expected.

“I need to verify this,” one of them said in a gruff voice, walking away.

High Wizard Elron took a few sheets of paper from his assistant in the passenger seat and handed them to the remaining guard standing there, who looked like he should avoid spending too much time in the sun based on his red complexion.  “All security personnel need to fill one of these out.”

“What is this?” he asked, frowning.

Elron gave him an imperious look.  “Everyone needs to justify their positions here and why the taxpayers should continue funding your jobs.”

The guard gave him an incredulous look.  “You’re kidding.  Isn’t it obvious?”

The High Wizard was used to these reactions, but it didn’t bother him in the slightest.  “No, I’m not.  The number of people working security here is undoubtedly far more than necessary.  If you wish to keep your position, I’d suggest listing how many trespassers you stop daily, whether or not you are regularly attacked, and anything else you do other than stand here harassing the president’s appointed men on official business.”

The guard’s face turned a brighter shade of red as he attempted to formulate a response.  “You…What…?”

“He’s clear,” called the other guard from thirty feet away, oblivious to the conversation.

Hardening his jaw, he gave Elron instructions as the gate opened.  A dark SUV was waiting on the other side to escort him to his destination.  He followed it as they drove along a lonely road for some distance before finally coming to a cluster of plain, unassuming buildings where they parked.

A brunette woman in her mid-forties greeted them with a severe look, ordering her security personnel to surround them, and rushed his team inside the most prominent structure with barely a chance to take in their surroundings.  The High Wizard was disappointed that he hadn’t spotted anything unusual during those hurried moments, but they would have moved anything out of sight they didn’t want him to see anyway.

There was a bizarre hum in the air.  He’d never felt anything like it, and the disturbing sensation crawled across his skin.  Where was it coming from?  Taking a deep breath, he straightened his shoulders and reminded himself it was his job to investigate this place and whether they spent government funds correctly.  Any uncomfortable oddities would not stop him.  Based on his estimates—which were challenging to tabulate since much of the budget was disguised under various programs with innocuous names—it had to cost a fortune to run these facilities.

Elron looked at his assistant, Axe.  “Start handing out the justification forms to anyone you see.  Make certain you emphasize the importance of filling them out and returning them before we leave.”

“You can count on me, High Wizard,” he said, eager to comply.  The twenty-year-old had just gotten his first taste of magic a few days ago, giving him a sample of what he could earn if he proved hardworking and loyal.  He’d do anything for more.

Axe started with their escort—to the woman’s dismay as she looked over the paper—before hurrying toward other nearby employees.

She mumbled something under her breath before leading Elron and his people to a room full of desks, computers, and filing cabinets.  This was a good start.  He turned to his other three assistants and gave them a nod.  “You know what to do.  If anyone doesn’t comply, use the spell I taught you.”

They headed for the office employees with determined strides in their steps.  As expected, they argued about letting his minions onto their highly classified systems.  His people hit each one of them with a spell, and they sullenly obeyed after that.

The pinch-faced woman escorting him moved closer with a look of outrage on her face.  “We agreed to allow access to our accounting—not this!  You can’t just take over our office and download files.”

“I can’t do my job properly if I don’t see and review everything,” High Wizard Elron said, relishing this woman’s fury.  The people in this place had been given too many years without proper supervision, and he aimed to change that.

For the next few hours, his assistants brought his attention to various red flags they found in the accounting.  They painted a fascinating story based on his knowledge of space travel from his other endeavors.  Elron also toured the rest of the building, noting every detail and asking questions.  That part was mostly dull, and this was certainly not where they did any extraterrestrial work or experiments.

Finally, he’d seen enough that it was time to take the next step, and this would be his favorite part.  “Take me to see your alien leader.  I have questions for them, too.”

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