I’ve been a little stressed by the news lately, so last night my husband cautioned me to avoid discussing politics online. Bwahaha! In light of that suggestion, I decided to write something that had been on my mind since it was first announced. How could I resist poking a little fun with a title like Department of Government Efficiency? Of course, I had to add some supernatural twists to put some space between the fictional story and the real world. Names and locations may have been altered as well.
No idea how this will go over, but if you all enjoy it, let me know. I’ll write more episodes in the future and post them here on my website for free. This is honestly just a stress relief for me.
DOGE Supernatural Division (episode 1)
“Department of Government Efficiency, Supernatural Division, who is calling, please?” Ruby asked, leaning back in her comfortable ergonomic chair.
A hushed male voice came over the line, “I have an anonymous tip.”
She leaned forward and began typing on the computer, starting a trace for the call. “Of course. Your privacy is especially important to us. Go ahead.”
“I discovered some discrepancies in the blood storage database where I work.” The caller’s voice dropped lower. “I think they’re taking allotments somewhere but claiming it was expired and destroyed. There’s been some questionable labeling lately.”
Ruby tapped her manicured nails on the desk, waiting for the computer program to finish locating the caller. “Why do you believe it wasn’t destroyed?”
“The night team was supposed to handle it, but they checked out two vans at ten pm and left together, according to outside camera footage. They didn’t return until an hour before dawn. When I arrived for the morning shift, all four cases of blood bags were gone, and the furnace was cold. No way they destroyed them.”
The program finished, revealing the caller was at a gas station in San Antonio. Ruby frowned. That city was one of the hubs for distributing vampire blood in Texas. The law was very clear that every ounce of it had to be accounted for and dispersed equally among vampires. Well, mostly equal, the older and richer ones “claimed” they needed more to subsist, but she had her doubts.
“Can I get the address to the warehouse?” she asked, though she already suspected the answer, it would help for him to confirm it.
“It’s in Dallas,” he said, rattling off the rest of the details.
Ruby inwardly cursed. She’d really hoped it was San Antonio, but this paranoid caller had gone out of his way to not be caught. No matter. They’d pull the gas station security cameras since they’d need this man as a witness whether he liked it or not. Good thing there was a specific elixir to provoke full cooperation.
“Very well.” She opened a new window on her computer and began typing. “The Department of Government Efficiency, Supernatural Division, appreciates your assistance on this matter. Remember to pay your taxes and have a wonderful evening.”
Then she braced herself for her next call to Wizard Elron in Dallas. Ruby sure hoped he didn’t bring up her lack of children again or her three cats. Why he thought it was his business, she didn’t know. He hadn’t said anything since she gifted him a hundred cans of kitty food last Christmas, though.
***
Three hours later…
High Wizard Elron strutted toward the building with his three young lackeys in lockstep behind him. His black silk cape billowed at his back, and as he came to a stop, he set his hands on his hips as he studied the large structure. He was ready to knock some heads together after learning of the audacity of this distribution warehouse for trying to skim blood for anything other than legal purposes. He’d get to the bottom of the matter.
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